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It can be a world of shadows, ghosts, haunted memories, and shame. But it can also be freedom, beauty, and solidarity bred of understanding. Every street kid has their story–they don’t ask, but they know. For Gretchen, it was her Stepmother. Continued life under the same roof as her: impossible. At 15, she still feels like the baby, even though it’s been two years. Two years learning to love the morning, before the city wakes up. Loving life while the sun is rising. Liking it less once there’s a world to see. Two years on the streets take their toll. Lately, it’s the dream of getting out that keeps Gretchen going.
Until Elizabeth.
Tiny, cold, and silent, she arrives one night on the stairs. It’s not a place Gretchen usually stays. Still, she can’t help but take a stand. They tell her a kid that young will only be trouble. But all she sees is someone who needs her. Someone to take care of. From that moment on, Elizabeth is hers.
At first it’s simple. Easy enough to make Elizabeth smile. Easy to be happy just because she is. Then people start to drift, police start to raid, life gets more and more out of control. The streets aren’t as fun anymore. The dream seems farther and farther away. Today isn’t enough, tomorrow slips from her reach. Only the finality of total loss can bring resolution.
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In the world there are many cycles, and sometimes they exist between you and you. The inner commentator never letting you speak, too afraid you’ll only mess things up. The outer prtoector, trying to make you less visible, generally only make you more conspicuous. The friends who aren’t real, but are better than loneliness. The truths buried in closets, because it’s easier for some to pretend they never happened, even if nothing has been the same since, and the damage is still everywhere. Worrying that your haunted past will become your daunting future.
This is Lacie’s world.
Her father’s dead, he mother hides away in endless work, and Lacie is lost between the cracks of herself and a world in which she doesn’t belong. Can’t seem to fit in. Can’t seem to get it right.
Bit by bit, her best friend’s cruelness starts to become more apparent. Forced into agreeing to meet a boy, she soon realizes Benji is just about the only real thing in her life. Except for the ghosts.
Bit by bit, things get harder, and some get easier. Best friend Jenna is lost, but Lacie is found. Her mother begins to slowly come back, she begins to slowly move away. Away from the fake and the meanness she used to emulate. Away toward who she really is, and should be. Away towards Gretchen, returned to town after disappearing for years. Away into a perfect world, in which she does belong.
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Benji sees the world in shades of angel and demon, which makes it, more often than not, a rather scary place. While his father may be less trouble than his mother, less abusive, less of a demon-magnet, in order to live with him Benji had to leave his personal angel, Lacie, behind.
Being in a new school suits him, though, as it’s easier to disappear when no one knew you were there to begin with. Being labeled a freak is fine with him. As long as no one takes any notice. As long as no one tries to get close. As long as he can hide inside Dogboy.
But when Benji takes a liking to Rianna Moore, things get a little more complex. She isn’t like them, but she travles with the in crowd. They don’t really see her, but they certainly know she’s there. Which makes Benji a bit less of a shadow. And his feelings make him a bit less dead. And wanting to be near her makes it all a bit less safe.
Eventually, the demons start to show themselves. It turns out they’re everywhere, and when you’ve got your own too…well, they travel with you. No matter how much you might want to leave them behind.
But just because they can follow you, and get inside you, and affect you, doesn’t make them you. And this is what Benji has to discover. This is the only real path out.
Of all of James’ books, I liked this one the best. Most likely because every time he writes one, they just keep getting better. And while they all come with a bit of a harsh face, there is always a light shining through.
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This was the first PUSH book I purchased, and it’s been read so many times I own two copies, because the first one is held together with scotch tape.
For some people this would probably be a really sad book, but that’s not what I take away from it.
Eireann Corrigan led a fairly priveleged life as a teen: Private School, bent rules. But the other side of that coin was the pressure that came with said life, and the years spent in hospital wards. The struggle to decide to make it in the world.
When her first boyfriend shoots himself and the next drives into a tree, she concludes it must be her.
Through these poems she relates her story. The trials, the triumphs, the small steps and the large, the love and the disillusionment. And the lessons so hardly learned.
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